Seat: To cook
Location: Scotty County
Hold by: Scott Morrison (Liberal Party)
Position: Barber, welder, pilot, bricklayer, cook, seamstress, trucker, farmer, army officer, clown
Margin: 19% (very safe)
Main opponent: hard work
Profile: Scott Morrison was created during a brainstorming session at a Sydney advertising agency in the mid-1990s. The original plan was to create a prototype for the quintessential “fair-dinkum Aussie Dad”. But after a few beers, the ad creatives thought it would be more fun to make him an asshole instead. Nobody knows where the strange Christian piece comes from.
‘I stopped that’
In the early 2000s, Morrison had a brief career running Tourism Australia, where he oversaw the “Where The Bloody Hell Are You?” campaign, widely regarded as one of the least successful in the organization’s history. With tourist numbers plummeting, the campaign showed Morrison lacked judgment, possessed questionable money management skills and had a tendency to misread the nation’s mood. The Liberal Party immediately recruited him.
Morrison entered parliament in 2007 after a dodgy screening process, and moved to the shadow bench a year later. But it was in 2012, when Tony Abbott picked Morrison to implement his ‘Stop the Boats’ policy, that the Cook MP’s political career really took off. Over the next few years, the number of people who entered Australia was zero, coincidentally, the same number who entered Australia when Morrison was head of Tourism Australia.
After 13 months at Immigration, Morrison moved into a new role as Minister of Social Services. In one of his first speeches in the role, Morrison said he wanted to search the sewage of welfare recipients to see if he could find any traces of drugs. Close friends at the time said it was the clearest sign yet that Morrison’s drug addiction was spiraling out of control.
In 2018 Morrison was chosen by his party to be prime minister, but decided to take on a series of temporary roles instead, including hairdresser, pilot, welder, lorry driver, sheep shearer, an Indian chief, a water boy. , seamstress and mason. He has not yet pretended to play the role of Prime Minister.
Always one to sense the mood of the nation, he put everything on hold to pull a needle out of a strawberry and then went on vacation while the country was on fire.
A lasting legacy
Beloved by his Coalition colleagues, Mr Morrison has been warmly described by those who know him best as “a horrible, horrible man”, “a liar” and “a complete psychopath”.
And ‘a tyrant’, ‘selfish’, ‘racist’, ‘disappointing’, ‘mean’, ‘intolerable’, ‘a convenience store’, ‘lacking in comp…’