We’ve got a hairstylist to help us review ridiculous Final Fantasy hairstyles

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There was a time in the not so distant past when talking about hair in relation to Final Fantasy was as outdated as opening a wrestling review with something about sweaty men in tights. But the great wheel of time is still turning. Now we have the voluminous braids of TressFX and Aloy, and Final Fantasy is less about floating immaculate locks and more about killing Chaos and extreme farming. It’s the only excuse needed to go back and watch 10 of the best haircuts from the show. And, for science and practicality, every ‘do has an expert analysis by Jamie of Hackett hairdressers (opens in a new tab) in the bath.

*Reloads hairspray like a shotgun*

Aerith – Final Fantasy 7 Remake

(Image credit: Square Enix)

Professional verdict: “It’s not a modern hairstyle – I can’t imagine anyone would choose to have one. The length would be very high maintenance and brushing out.”

An obvious and necessary first choice, perhaps, but at least we didn’t choose Cloud. Aerith’s hair is an embarrassment of loose braids, topped with cascading bangs that seemingly forgot the existence of gravity. And if our expert Jamie isn’t impressed by that, let’s just be glad we didn’t show him Aerith from the original Final Fantasy 7, which is basically the same, but bigger and built from Mega Bloks.

Balthier-Final Fantasy 12

(Image credit: Square Enix)

Professional verdict: “The top and sides are definitely something people would have today, but nobody would have those sideburns.”

Balthier is such a fan favorite that we often overlook his aesthetic crimes, such as the open-backed sandals, the embroidered vest, and the candy jewelry. But something about those sideburns, especially when combined with the beckoning finger, screams, “Come to my uninvited barrel party and I’ll give you an atomic wedgie, nerdlinger.” But, as Jamie points out, the top and sides are stunning: soft, floaty blonde tips that gradually converge into menacing burns, subtly alluding to the conflict and complexity that resides within all of us.

Clive Rosfield – Final Fantasy 16

(Image credit: Square Enix)

Professional verdict: “A lot of people like a textured look, but this is an extreme version. Hair that long would never stick out that much, it would just fall flat.”

I’m going to come out and say it: no one named Clive in the history of human civilization has ever had such cool hair. Not least because, as Jamie mentions, the level of texture displayed here is an affront to the pomade gods. On the wrong head, it might make Clive sound like the proverbial Karen, but the tone and density makes it sing. It’s like dark matter disguised as a haircut.

Estinien – Final Fantasy 14

(Image credit: Square Enix)

Professional verdict: “He has very thick hair and it’s not a natural white color – most people would have gray tones. That bangs would also be in his eyes while he was fighting – the ponytail won’t help a lot.”

In the Endwalker expansion for Final Fantasy 14, Estinien ties his hair back to face Thavnair’s heat. But let’s be real: as much as he wants to control it, the haircut is in charge here. What we have is basically bangs with an Elezen attached. But that’s what this list is all about. Never mind the blinding impracticality or unnecessary ponytail. Estinien will kick your ass while looking like someone’s glamorous nana, and you’ll like it.

Garnet – Final Fantasy 9

(Image credit: Square Enix)

Professional verdict: “His hair would never come out this neat from a single cut, you’d have to do it in sections to get that layering.”

Yes, this haircut is beautiful, but it comes with a dose of overwhelming realism from our expert. No matter how dramatic or heartfelt your reason for cutting your hair with a dagger, it will always look like you had an accident while cooking vegetables. But maybe that’s why Garnet belongs here: she manages to saw through her mop with Zidane’s knife and still looks like the romantic, high-spirited lead in a ’90s teen comedy. It doesn’t matter if you’re a summoner: it’s real Magic.

Jack Garland – Stranger from Heaven: Final Fantasy Origin

(Image credit: Square Enix)

Professional verdict: “It’s a pretty common men’s haircut, although most men don’t have such thick hair – it’s quite long on the sides.”

As a man with hair like cobwebs on a boiled egg, I have a particular admiration for Jack Garland’s hair. At first glance, it’s the antithesis of classic Final Fantasy ‘do: no towering spikes; no difficult pastel tones. But that is precisely why we should celebrate it. It’s the tireless Volvo of haircuts. There’s no unnecessary bluster or desperate desire to be noticed, just a crew cut with the density of deep pile carpet you can only afford in the smallest room of your home.

Lightning – Final Fantasy 13

(Image credit: Square Enix)

Professional verdict: “It’s a very popular color for girls right now. Although it’s unlikely to have straight hair on one side and curls on the other. This one is my favorite.”

And there we have it. For the first time perhaps in living memory, Lightning is someone’s favorite. It’s everything you’d expect from a Final Fantasy haircut. There’s enough detail there that you can spend a good few hours staring at the bangs without always seeing every strand. And, in a concession to the game’s classic tonsorial impracticality, there’s a second secret hairstyle lurking there in the form of those inexplicable curls.

Rikku – Final Fantasy 10

(Image credit: Square Enix)

Professional verdict: “It’s a mess of different styles. I don’t even know how you would style this, there’s no logical way to cut this to make it work.”

A brutal removal of hair from Rikku to Jamie, and not without reason. It’s like someone has spent months meticulously styling a haircut that screams, “Honestly, I don’t really mind!” So why does it deserve a spot on this list? Because it’s a display of follicular generosity that borders on the vulgar. It’s not a haircut: it’s at least 50, bursting with a wild abandonment of the head of a single, slightly boring figure.

Rydia – Final Fantasy 4

(Image credit: Square Enix)

Professional verdict: “Green never lasts very long, it’s the shortest color to achieve. It only really looks good for a day before it fades.”

One day. One day. This is how long Rydia’s hair would last before it fades. And given that the shortest part of Final Fantasy IV is expected to last around 22 hours out of game, it’s a measure of how well her hair manages to stay as vibrant as a 90s Warhammer base for the entire duration. of the Game.

Sice – Final Fantasy Type-0

(Image credit: Square Enix)

Professional verdict: “You would need a lot of product and spray to get that kind of lift and it wouldn’t last all day. You might be able to do it for a photo shoot or a single catwalk, but it wouldn’t last longer than that. .That bangs would really get on her nerves in her eyes like that.”

This is the most gravity-defying haircut on the list, and it still looks moderately sensible compared to Cloud. As Jamie points out, in real life Sice’s striking look probably wouldn’t last long enough for you to read this paragraph before he started to sag. But that’s not real life. It’s an article about awesome Final Fantasy hair, and anyone who questions Sice’s spikes is impaling on it.

Tidus – Final Fantasy 10

(Image credit: Square Enix)

Professional verdict: “The choppy texture and highlights are more of a 90s style that’s starting to come back. It’s got a little cropped mullet look, that style would be pretty doable.”

It’s not just a great haircut: it’s a reminder that nothing in the world is new. A reminder that, if you wait long enough, the things that once defined you will become relevant again like a wounded dog. When they return, however, you will see that they no longer belong to you. They belong to a different generation, which does not see you as a person but as a concept; a timid echo of times gone by; the human equivalent of old man’s smell on a second-hand jacket. And whatever irrelevance you thought you had will flow out of you like juice from a damaged Capri Sun. Beautiful sunny highlights, though.

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